336 hours.
20,160 minutes.
1,209,600 seconds.
ONLY 14 DAYS LEFT UNTIL I LEAVE!
There were times this summer when it seemed as if the coutdown to my departure couldn't possibly take any longer. However, in these final days at home, I'm finding myself wishing more and more for time to just stop, or at least slow down for a while. Maybe then I would be able to catch up with my life and the crazy ride it's been on lately.
Leaving my home, saying goodbye to my family and friends, and completely abandoning my normal way of life for five months and eleven days is something that will definitely challenge me. I will grow, I will learn, I will have some amazing adventures, and I will be a tool for God to work out His awesome plan. I will make some really great friends. I will be immersed in new cultures and my eyes will be opened to fascinating ways of life that differ from my own. I will probably be pretty homesick from time to time. But through all of this, I am going to be thoroughly transformed.
To say that I don't feel ready would be an understatement...
Back when I was accepted to the Compassion DTS a couple months ago, it seemed so far away. I guess I figured the 6 months leading up to me leaving would give me enough time to prepare for this journey. And I'm not even talking about everything I need to pack, I'm definitely not ready in that sense either! What I am talking about is my spiritual readiness. I know God's timing is always best, and I am 100% sure that I am doing this on His timing. But I've been apprehensive lately, I'm feeling as if my heart isn't in the right place. I have been blessed with such an incredible, life changing opportunity and I guess I just want to be sure that I will be getting the most out of it. However, I know that won't happen unless I utterly surrender my life to Him and His will. That means losing control of myself, and letting God take control. I feel like the thought of that should comfort me, to have an all-knowing and loving God directing my path, but it doesn't. I think it scares me more than anything. What if God's plan doesn't parallel my own? What if I am asked to forget about the future that I had always planned for myself in exchange for a different one? When it came down to it, would I say "Sorry God, I really like how you've taken care of me so far, but I think I'm gonna go my own direction on this one. I'm aware that you are always thinking of what's best for me and all, but I think you're wrong. Thanks for the input though!" I honestly don't know if I have what it takes to put my life completely in His hands. I know He can give me the strength, and man have I been praying for it. Hopefully in the next fourteen days, God will break through my stubborn human way of thinking, and open my heart to everything he has in store for me. I want to be eager and receptive, totally prepared to dive in to this next chapter of my life. I know that I am only capable with His help!
So, as the 30th approaches faster and faster, I will keep trusting. Trusting that everything will fall together perfectly, that I will be ready, and that I will remain safe as I travel. And despite my fears of being unprepared spiritually, I am insanely excited. I obviously can't complain, I mean I will be living in Hawaii for two and a half months before leaving on my outreach :) sitting on the beach... watching the sunset over the ocean... making great memories... I don't think I could be any more blessed!
"Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you." -Psalm 9:10
